Saturday, February 28, 2015

Kingsman: The Secret Service

So many people have recommended this movie to me and now I can see why. Kingsman was amazing!

The movie is based off a comic book of the same name and tells the story of Gary "Eggsy" Unwin (Taron Egerton)- a promising but troubled young man who is recruited by Harry Hart (Colin Firth) to join an elite spy organization called Kingsman. Meanwhile, tech mastermind Richard Valentine (Samuel L. Jackson) is planning on wiping out a good portion of the world's population. It's up to the Kingsman to stop him.

Is it crazy and over the top? Absolutely. And I loved every minute of it. Normally I can't stand when a movie does something like this but director Matthew Vaughn really makes it work. The action sequences were well choreographed and so much fun, especially the church scene. I'm glad they decided to go all out and make it rated R instead of going the PG-13 route the way most movies do these days. Matthew Vaughn doesn't shy away from showing blood and peoples limbs being cut off. Had he been forced to make it PG-13 I don't think it would've been the same. 

I had never really heard of Taron Egerton until this but he really impressed me. Hopefully he does well in the future.

Of course, the main reason why I wanted to see Kingsman was Colin Firth. I've always been a huge fan of his but even I wonder if he could pull of a movie like this. It's so different from anything he's done before. He's so bad ass and was by far my favorite thing about the movie. To be honest I enjoyed his scenes more than I did Eggsy's.

Samuel L. Jackson makes a great villain. The only thing that bothered me was that for some reason his character talked with a lisp. It was a little distracting and I couldn't tell what he was going for. 

Despite that and a few minor complaints which I can't talk about without spoiling the ending, I really enjoyed Kingsman. I haven't had this much fun watching a movie in awhile. It reminded me a lot of those classic James Bond movies. Go and check it out. You won't regret it.

My Rating: 9/10 

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Fifty Shades of Grey

What has been seen... cannot be unseen.

Alright, lets get this over with. I'm going to try and keep this review as short as possible since I don't want to spend any more time on this shit than is necessary.

Literature student Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) meets handsome, tormented billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan). He then proceeds to stalk her, buy her nice things, and fuck her in his playroom.

That pretty much sums things up. It's a sad world we live in if this is what passes off as romance. I'm sorry but Christian Grey isn't the ideal man. He fits the profile of a serial killer for crying out loud!

I'll give the director, Sam Taylor-Johnson, some credit. I think she tried to do the best she could with the material she had to work with. There were some moments where the cinematography looked nice. I also liked a few of the songs on the soundtrack as well as the "business meeting" scene. But that's about it. From what I've heard, Sam Taylor-Johnson wanted to make changes and try to turn this into something decent but the author of the books, EL James, had a lot of control and refused. There was a lot of tension on set to the point where there will be a new director(s) for the sequels.

Dakota Johnson was better than I thought she would be, not that that's saying much. At least she looked like how I pictured Ana when I read the books (I use that term very loosely). Jamie Dornan, while he's nice looking and might be a good actor apart from this, was laughably bad. Totally miscast as well. When I first saw his ass on screen I thought, Sorry, Charlie Hunnam's is better. 

Speaking of Charlie Hunnam (who was originally cast as Christian), boy did he dodge a bullet here. I'm glad he decided to drop out of the movie. He's way too good of an actor for this shit.

As far as the sex scenes that everyone has been talking about, I found them to be boring. Honestly they didn't do anything for me.

The only reason I'm not giving this a zero rating is because I didn't walk out of the theater feeling angry. I knew what I was getting myself into. And to me it was one of those movies that's so bad it's almost good.

But for the love of god DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT waste your money and see this in theaters. If you're really curious, wait til it's on Netflix or in the Redbox.

Better yet, don't watch it at all. Watch Love Actually instead or one of the many other good romance movies if that's what you're looking for. Or if you're just looking to get off, watch porn. It's shorter, to the point, and you can watch it for free.

My Rating: 4/10

Saturday, February 7, 2015

Jupiter Ascending (3D)

Call me crazy, but I actually liked the Wachowskis last film- Cloud Atlas. It's one of the reasons I wanted to see this. That and, of course, Channing Tatum is in it. I should have known something was up when there were only 10 other people in the theater on a Friday night. To be fair, it wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It's not great though.

Jupiter Ascending is about a young woman named Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis). She's down on her luck and working as a janitor/caretaker (Mila Kunis as a janitor? I know, I laughed too) but still dreams of bigger things. In walks Caine (Channing Tatum), a genetically engineered former military hunter who has been hired to track her down. Jupiter discovers that she's actually the reincarnation of the Queen of the House Abrasax- who has ruled over every habitable planet for thousands of years. That makes her next in line for an inheritance that could alter the fate of the universe.

I apologize for that terrible plot summary. I struggled to write it because the movie was such a mess. It would jump from one plot to another so quickly that I wanted to yell out, "What the hell???" They didn't even bother to explain everything properly. Not that I need everything spelled out for me but still- I like to have some vague idea of what's going on.

And I feel really bad because the Wachowskis (as with their other movies) tried so hard to create something different from a lot of the crap Hollywood puts out these days. Visually the movie looks beautiful. I especially loved the look of the different worlds and the costumes. I give them a lot of credit. If it weren't for the plot and the terrible dialog I would've given this a much higher rating.

As far as the acting goes, I didn't really care for Mila Kunis as Jupiter. I have nothing against her, she just wasn't who I would've picked for the part. Channing Tatum on the other hand did a good job and it seemed like he actually tried. Plus I really liked his character. Too bad there wasn't a whole lot of character development in this movie.

Another actor that stood out to me, and not in a good way, was Eddie Redmayne. He played Balem, one of the heirs of House Abrasax and serves as the primary villain. This was one of the worst performances I've seen in a long time. And given how many movies I watch that's really saying something. His character has only two ways of speaking- a low monotone that you can't understand or screaming like a psycho. I kid you not. Why do I get the feeling that any chance he had of beating Michael Keaton for the Best Actor Oscar (playing Stephen Hawking) just went right down the toilet?

Jupiter Ascending had so much potential to be great. Would I recommend you rush out to see it? No. Will I have a few drinks and watch it again when it's on Netflix? Absolutely. If you're like me and a fan of science fiction it's worth checking out.

My Rating: 7/10