The Great Wall

Plot-

While searching for black powder, William (Matt Damon) and Tovar (Pedro Pascal) become embroiled in the fight to protect The Great Wall of China from a group of monsters. 

WARNING: Be prepared for lots of ranting and cursing. 

Pros:

•Ummm.... hmmm.... (I'm trying here) I'll give the director this much, he is really good at visuals. It's a gorgeous looking movie. 

•Powerful score

•Matt Damon was nice to look at. 

•William Dafoe. Always great to see him pop up in a movie. 

•At least they had the sense to keep this short, unlike Gods of Egypt. This movie was about an hour and forty minutes.  

Cons:

•Can anyone tell me what the fuck was happening in this movie?!? It felt like I walked into this an hour late. I don't need everything spelled out for me but god damn they could've at least attempted to develop this story. And the characters for that matter. I didn't give a shit about any of them. 

•Matt Damon and Pedro Pascal... two amazing actors yet their performances were so wooden and the dialog given to them was laughably bad. Did the director have some dirt on them and used it as blackmail? There's no other explanation I can think of as to why they agreed to do this. What the fuck were they thinking??

•Slow motion

•I swear not even ten minutes into this movie I said out loud, "What they fuck have I gotten myself into?!?" I could've been watching LEGO Batman. 

•This had potential. Could've been a really bad ass action movie but nope. They had to go and fuck it up. 

•I could go on all night ranting about this shit  but I'm tired. Plus I don't feel like spending anymore time on this movie than I already have. I'm begging you, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD- don't watch this. This was bad. Like, this close to being Gods of Egypt/Transformers level bad. Now if you'll be excuse me, I need a drink. Better yet just give me the whole damn bottle. 

My Rating: 4.5/10